What Is the Ego Really?

There was a time when I believed I had to fight against myself.

That the thoughts, the emotions, the cravings—the things that pulled me in a hundred directions—were obstacles to be destroyed.

I had heard it everywhere in all the spiritual practices and processes.

"Kill the ego."

It was presented by them as the root of all suffering. The great enemy of internal peace, of self-realisation. And so, I tried.

Meditation. Stillness. Learning to try and silence the mind and its distractions.

Trying hoplessly to separate myself from the thing I was told was holding me back.

But the more I resisted, the louder it became.

Because what I didn’t yet understand was that the ego is not something we can escape.

But then I came to the wisdom of kabbalah and learnt that It is something we must evolve.

And don’t get me wrong—meditation, mindfulness, all of these practices are invaluable. They help us come into contact with ourselves.

Personally, meditation allows me to see my justifications clearly, to slow down and approach my inner battles with a steadier hand.

But the extreme difference that helped is that Kabbalah doesn’t say there is “right” or “wrong.” Everything in life is a tool—capable of aiding us or becoming a source of struggle. And the ego is the only thing that can elevate us.

You might say, But I have felt peace. I have felt clarity, purpose, even stillness. Isn’t that enough?

For me it wasn't, it was never permanent.

Before Kabbalah, I wore many spiritual garments. Each practice helped me, gave me something—greater awareness, discipline, connection. But it was only when my teacher gave me the band-aid rip I didn’t know I needed came the 'Aha' 'of course' moment.

He said something along the lines of:

If you want to meditate your way into being a rock—still, inanimate, unmoving—then go ahead. But you won’t find what you’re looking for.

Because that’s what I had been doing.

Trying to force myself into nothingness.

Trying to quiet the mind, erase desire, stop needing anything..

But I was just becoming numb.

And when you numb yourself, you cut off the body.

Your knowledge gets stuck in the mind, never turning into wisdom.

And wisdom can only truly reign in the experience, where the body, mind and heart work together as one.

If you ask a hundred people what the ego is, you’ll get a hundred different answers.

Some say it’s arrogance.

Some say it’s self-importance.

Some say it’s the voice in your head that constantly seeks validation.

But in Kabbalah, the ego is something entirely greater.

The ego is the force that drives all of existence forward.

It is desire, the foundation of Creation evolving.

The need to grow, to expand, to understand.

The impulse that pushes life beyond survival—beyond instinct, beyond repetition.

Without ego, nothing moves.

Without ego, nothing seeks.

Without ego, nothing transforms.

For thousands of years, the ego drove humanity forward.

We chased knowledge, built civilisations, created art, music, culture.

We conquered, we expanded, we evolved.

But today, something has changed.

The ego—once an engine pushing us outward—has become an anchor pulling us inward. We have turned self-interest into isolation. We have mistaken individual freedom for disconnection.

And now, we find ourselves in a world more linked than ever—yet more divided than ever.

This is the contradiction of our time. And this is why the next step in evolution is not against the ego—but above it.

We are not meant to destroy the ego. We are meant to grow with it—to expand it beyond the individual, to transform it into something collective.

Because the true evolution of humanity is not one of personal enlightenment.

It is one of shared consciousness.

Everything in creation evolves in phases.

And within each of us, the same evolution unfolds.

We begin at the most basic level—concerned with only survival, security, comfort. Then, we seek growth—knowledge, experience, mastery of the mind. Beyond that, we strive for meaning, connection, purpose.

And at the highest level—if we allow ourselves to rise—we step into something greater than ourselves.

This is not just the progression of nature.

It is the progression of who we are.

The ego is what moves us through these phases.

It is the force that pushes life beyond stillness.

Beyond instinct.

Beyond repetition.

Without ego, no humanity.

Without humanity, no evolution.

But here’s the challenge—Do we let it drive us deeper into self-interest, or do we elevate it into something higher?

Because the ego, at its root, is neither good nor bad.

It is simply a tool.

And like any tool, it can build or destroy.

It can create, or it can consume.

It can be a force for unity, or a force for separation.

Today, we live in a world where everything is interconnected.

And yet, we experience life as individuals.

"I want to succeed.""I want to be safe.""I want to control my own fate."

Even as we live in a time of global connection, we feel more divided than ever.

Because the ego, at its lowest level, still seeks only for itself.

And that is where suffering begins.

Because we have reached the stage where it can no longer evolve alone.

My teacher wrote to us:

"The only war we should be fighting is the one against our individual ego—an internal war where we attempt to rise above it and unite with one another. Our friends are here to help us, to support us, to give us strength and encouragement so we will not give up midway."

This is the real work.

Not to suppress desire.

But to refine it.

To direct it beyond ourselves.

To expand our sense of self until "me" becomes "we."

And the first step?

Not resistance.

Not retreat.

But a decision.

To rise above.

To transform.

To take the step—not just as a beast trying to be a rock.

But as a Human becoming Soul.

Why?

You cannot exist alone.

You are part of something greater, whether you acknowledge it or not.

This is the contradiction between two systems: The ego, which seeks its own fulfilment, And reality, which is entirely interconnected.

The reason people feel so lost today is because these two forces no longer align.

One day though, the ego will have taken us as far as it can, and we will set it down with gratitude—like a traveler finally arriving home.

We will bury it with honour, knowing it carried us through every challenge, every lesson, every rise and fall.

But that day is not today.

Today, we fight.

Not by resisting the ego. Not by trying to destroy it.

But by directing it.

By stepping above it.

By understanding that it was never the enemy—only the raw material for something greater.

Because if you think you are done with the ego—It has already won.

The only way forward is to rise. And the only way to rise—Is together.

I close with these questions.

Where does this leaves us?

A state of being is not about denial.

It is not about erasing parts of ourselves.

It is about stepping into ourselves—fully.

Understanding what we have been given, and choosing to rise above it.

The ego is the help made against us.

It is the tool of evolution.

But only if we use it so—

What are you building with yours?

Bradley J Cleary